Limbo Land

That’s kind of where I’m at right now with this pregnancy. After Thursday’s doctors appointment resulted in being admitted directly to the High Risk Pregnancy Unit at our local hospital.

I stayed in the hospital for about a day and a half to be observed and to complete a 24 hour urine test as an inpatient. The results of that test were the same as when I did it a month and a half ago, only confirming once again that I have preeclampsia. Shocker.

Initially, I thought that they might take Amelia that day or the next since I was sent to high-risk but obviously that didn’t occur. One of the doctors on duty said that the risk of taking her at 36 weeks was too high. Since I now have gestational diabetes Amelia is at a greater risk of having respiratory issues if she is born prior to 37 weeks. Call it mother’s intuition but I don’t think it’s her time just yet and was surprised to have found myself back in the hospital. She is doing very well cooking; it’s just my body that is having an adverse reaction.

I think it’s safe to say I’ve finally hit my wall of being good spirited about bed rest and hospital stays. It took a month and a half but I’ve finally cracked. It feels like fall was ruined, it’s my favorite time of year and I can’t even enjoy it. I miss not being able to spend as much time with Tom and our kids. I just feel sad. Maybe the coming weeks will be better?

Progress Report with a Dash of History

(The Progress Report)

I’m back on track with my weight-loss and so thankful for that. I lost 5ish pounds since last week and am feeling “skinnier,” even if it is all in my head ;)

I stumbled quite a bit for the past few months and have been yo-yoing with my weight since about End of July/August. I’m not sure if it was that realization or my new hair cut but I managed to get my butt back in gear and that is what counts.

My initially stumbling was due to your typical pit-falls: vacations, birthdays, more vacations, day trips, weddings, birthdays, repeat, repeat, justify, justify, justify.

I feel good about it once again and hope that feeling stays around awhile!

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(The History)

I first started to become heavy as a child, around age 10 or 11. I was molested and never told anyone.  Instead I chose to eat through my feelings because that is what I could control. By age 12 I was gigantic or so I felt.  In 6th/7th grade I wore a size 18. It was then that I first started “dieting.”

It started out with the vegetable soup diet, I lost a good amount of weight on this diet. Then I started taking Meridia around 8th grade into 9th grade to aid me in my weight loss. By the time 9th grade rolled around and I was starting high school I was a magical size 12 and I really felt a lot better about myself. I was “skinny” or so I thought and had a great high school experience. My diet in high school was less than stellar, I would eat cereal bars for breakfast and a diet coke with a butterscotch krimpet for lunch (most days). This was the picture of nutrition.

I ballooned back up slowly but surely and can’t quite remember where it all went wrong but I think that in 12th grade spanning into life after high school I became gigantic once again.

For a good while I stayed around a 22/24. Then after a few years of infertility and treatment for such I started to balloon even  further. I finally topped out around 26/28 and even had a few pants that were size 28.  I couldn’t believe I let myself get this way. Finally I started to lose weight, lost 30 pounds got pregnant, had baby, lost weight, gained weight.  Lost weight again, had another baby, lost baby weight, gained more weight. It’s a vicious cycle. I fell into the trap every time.

This time around I really felt called to lose this weight, my journey started around May and from May to July I lost 35 pounds! I was ecstatic! It was then that I really started looking at the real issue of where this weight issue started in the first place. Being molested. I had never dealt with it. I had told next to no one and it had taken me 16 years to tell my parents. That is insane when I think about it that way.

Finally after all of  these years I’m dealing with it and it stinks. I still  cry when I talk about it, the shame, sadness and anger that I have carried around for all of these years has really taken a toll on my heart. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m at a stale mate with myself,  Do I continue to go to counseling to deal? What do I expect to come of it? Will this feeling ever go away? Will I ever feel normal? Right now I don’t think it will and if I could step into a mind erasing machine, I would.  Since I can’t change what I have experienced as a child and the impact that it has left on me; I’ll focus on changing my body and I’ll need tons of prayer to help me with that!

I know good will come of this someday, I just wish that someday would happen soon.

A Day of Change

Today marks the first day of Tom going back to second shift. It feels weird. I’m sure Han and I will get used to by the end of the week. Both Tom and I have all new daily routines and I think it is a little bit more lonely without him around at nights.

We officially own the house that we live in, yay! Settlement went very smoothly and we have no worries. I did get to thinking while I was there that Tom and I really need a will set up in case we both croak. I’ll have to put that on my to-do-list.

I was stunned to hear that Hannah jumped out of her crib today. Tom was in the shower and she decided she didn’t want to wait in the crib for him to finish. She jumped out landed on the floor and kept on trucking into the bathroom. I believe Tom said she didn’t even cry!

I’m anemic now with this pregnancy. I’ve been taking iron for about two weeks or somewhere close to that and still feel very tired so I guess I’m just tired. I will also have to have ultrasounds every week until I’m due which begins this Wednesday. This is just to measure the size of the baby and to make sure nothing weird is going on since I have diabetes and HBP.

Labetalol will be the death of me…

I’ve been taking this medicine since early May when my doctor was concerned my blood pressure was too high. As soon as I started taking it I got sick. Nausea/vomiting and occasional dizziness.

I tried to suck it up thinking my body just needed to adjust and that given time I will be fine. It has now been over a month and I am worse than I started. My blood pressure has come down nicely, the dose was increased about two weeks ago because it was still too high. Since then my pressure has been back to normal. Thankfully. On the other hand I have been experiencing: muscle weakness, headaches, dizziness, nausea, vomiting and occasional light headed. I was super sick all weekend and then yesterday I was super freaked out.

I bent down to give Hannah a hug and kiss and when I got back up I felt extremely light headed, I had to grab the wall to keep from falling over. Then when I was walking into work my purse felt like I was carrying fifty pounds on my shoulder. I got to my desk and knew I wasn’t right. I picked up a pen to write with and my arm actually hurt from holding the pen. It was so heavy feeling.  As you can imagine the rest of the day was down hill from there. I got extremely sick and at one point had to put my head on my desk to keep it from spinning so much. I ended up throwing in the towel around 2:00 and leaving work. Prior to leaving work I called my OB so that she could possibly switch my medicine but she hasn’t called back yet. If  I don’t here anything I am going to call again today.

Has anyone else experienced this with there blood pressure meds? I am usually really good with medicine but this one is tearing me up!

Update: I called the doctor first thing this morning and they returned my call in about 20 minutes. Apparently they accidently deleted my message from yesterday. So I am going in today at 10:15 so we can hopefully get a new game plan.

For The Birds

It’s official, I have morning sickness. Never experienced it with Hannah and this time around had been no different. Until this week…

I started taking high blood pressure medicine on Tuesday and ever since I have been sick in the mornings. I thought it was the medicine but it didn’t happen at night when I took the second pill. Then just to try it out I hadn’t planned on taking the medicine until later in the day. No such luck, the sickness kicked in about thirty minutes after I woke up.

Clearly I was not missing out on anything first pregnancy around. Maybe this time I am having a boy?

Fun Times or Something

  • Hannah had a fever that lasted from Thursday until Sunday
  • Therefore she woke up Friday morning at 1:30am and did not go back to bed until 7:30am
  • I called out of work Friday
  • I am still feeling sleep deprived
  • Had a super nice day for Mother’s day (Thank you Husband and Hannie)
  • Went to my first OB appointment today
  • NO: Sex, exercise, lifting heavy objects, caffiene or artificial sweetners
  • I will be having another C-section
  • My blood pressure is high (it’s no wonder, see above!)

Ewwie Kazooie

Today I needed to get Hannah in the bath tub really quickly before bedtime. Tom is normally home at night and we tag team her but tonight it was just me. I begin by turning the bath water on and then rushing to get all of the other necessary items…soap, shampoo, lotion, change of clothes, etc. I had only made it to the soap and lotion a mere three feet away and I feel water dripping on my foot. I thought to myself, huh…Hannah must have reached her hand into the water.  Then I feel a lot more water, I look down and the child has a wad of wet toilet paper in her hand. I thought to myself are you serious she must have threw the toilet paper roll in the the bath. I rush into the bathroom with this wet wad of paper in my hand only to discover that the toilet paper roll was indeed intact. I look to my right and see that Hannah had decided it would be a great idea to stick her little hand in to the toilet and grab the toilet paper mommy just used. GROSS! I now have toilet-piss water in my hand, on Hannie and all over the floor and bath rug. Meanwhile I am trying to get a bathtub prepared. As I cuss my stupid toilet that never flushes right…I did indeed flush but was in a hurry and didn’t make sure that my bi-polar toilet actually did it’s job. I quickly swab the floor with a paper towel and jerk up the bath rug. Guess who will be unexpectedly mopping and washing there bath rug, oh yeah, that’s right, me! She’s lucky she’s so darn cute!  ;-)

Second disgusting thing of the day, which actually occured yesterday but wasn’t confirmed until today…Termites! Seriously!

Tom went to let the dog out yesterday afternoon around 4:00 and discovered a mass of flying insects that had died near our back sliding glass door, inside and outside. He hollars for me to come down and take a look. I immediately knew these are termites. We had treated termites and ants last year because the house was just infested with ants and as more of a precautionary measure since we had seen a mud tunnel on the side of the house we bit the bullet and treated for termites. Termite treatment is expensive…so now we have them again and the man told us that we shouldn’t see them again that what he uses is the best. So of course I immediately call the man yesterday and let him calmly know that I think we have termites. He thought they could also be swarming ants so he would have to come over and take a look  just to be certain. Well of course today’s diagnosis is that they are indeed termites, he genuiely seemed like he felt bad that we had them again and still swore by his product…he was very re-assuring. So Monday we are going to have to have termites treated again. I hope they get them all this time, unfortunately we live on what I refer to as the “wet side of the street” for whatever reason the sun just doesn’t shine well on my part of the street. This has led to a lot of fun things like the ant invasion of 08‘, termites and to top it all off a moldy damp basement…fun times!

It is time’s like these that I am grateful to have an exterminator come out quarterly and spray for ants and even more grateful that I still have a warranty on my termite treatment. I just hope for my sanity’s sake we get this all straightened out, I am not someone who is terrified of bugs but I would appreciate if they limited themselves to living outdoors only.

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