It’s A Long Trip Alone

My husband is what you would call a “non-believer” and while he was raised Catholic he no longer believes that God is real or that Jesus was anything more than a man. While it breaks my heart that he feels this way I continue to pray for him. I know there are some friends out there who pray for him as well. It adds to the loneliness in life I must say. I work first shift and he works second shift so unless I stay up until almost midnight every night I don’t see him. I typically only have weekends with him before he then goes to work and for me Sundays are typically spent at church.

This past Sunday was the final membership class, for the past three weeks I have not brought Hannah to church. She doesn’t like nursery so I figured we would have an issue if I tried to put her in there while I attended membership class. ;-) After the class this morning I took a seat and fully expected my friends to pile in next to me like they normally would. But as the service drew nearer and was starting to begin, I looked around and saw they were behind me and must not have seen me sitting there. So I sat in the row by myself, with all of my worries swirling around in my head. No Hannie by my side and I felt alone. This morning more than ever I couldn’t get Tom out of my head, I pray all the time for him. I just don’t know what more I can do to make him believe. Lately at church I’ve started to cry a little bit, I’m like a rubber band on the verge of snapping. This Sunday was pretty much the same as the last few, except just after I had taken communion I sat down and began to pray a little bit more. Talking to God about all the things I always talk to him about. Next thing I know my friend Bobbi pops up behind me and she hugs me and begins praying. Just in that moment my pot boiled over. It truly felt like God was pushing her to reach out to me with the very things that were bothering me this morning. I felt lonely and I feel scared for my husband that he may never know God. As Bobbi began to pray she said everything I had been feeling and I knew God had sent her to pray over me. I couldn’t help but cry and for once I didn’t care if anyone saw it. A little bit later another woman in the church came up to me and offered me some tissues. She told me that a woman she knew had been in the same situation as me and that woman’s husband did not know the Lord until she had passed on. Maybe that’s what will happen to us. I couldn’t be more grateful for Bobbi, she jumped the row of chairs and came and sat with me during the rest of the service. (Thank you Bobbi for doing that, it really means a lot to me!)

But just for one Sunday I wish my husband would come and hold my hand in the church pew. Hopefully that might be the day he comes to know Christ.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. fancythis
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 07:12:22

    i don’t claim to know what you struggle with, but i love you, and i pray for you daily. next time if i can’t find you, I just yell your name until you turn around and say “here I am!” ;)

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