Being Fat Sucks…

I’ve discovered that I am extremely  upset about being fat. It really has never bothered me until after I had the baby. I don’t mean to say that I was ecstatic to be fat before the baby it’s just that my fat is somehow different now.  I am the absolute heaviest I have ever been in my entire life currently and I am sick of it! None of my clothes fit, I managed to find two pairs of capris out of the 50 bazillion pairs that I own that I could actually squeeze my muffin top  bigger stomach into.  I am still secretly wearing my maternity pants (this is probably not normal?) to work and the jeans on the weekend. I need help! Not only am I fatter but now I am turning into a fashion disaster.

Tom has lost 100 pounds, yes 100 pounds! Before we were equally fat together and maybe that is why I am now so uncomfortable in my skin anymore.

Yesterday we went to an Orioles game. I am about to take Tom’s picture and an older gentleman offers to take the picture for me so we can both be in it. OMG! I looked at the picture afterwards and I look like an elephant. My face is enormous! I mean to tell you huge! That rattled my cage and I kept thinking back to that picture. Then the game ended and we began our trek four blocks back to where the car is parked. I couldn’t keep up with Tom at all. My shorts were riding up while I walked, my flip-flops were slipping off my feet and Tom acts like we are in a marathon. He keeps yelling, “Hurry up, you need to keep up, blah, blah, blah!” I tried to explain I couldn’t walk as fast as him but he didn’t want to hear it, he couldn’t understand how my cavs could be hurting already. Please keep in mind that we were walking up hills and everything it’s not like it was a flat surface. So about a block from the parking garage my legs felt like one big cramp. I started crying, of course, it was so embarrassing to me that I couldn’t keep pace with Tom and that he kept hurrying me along.

It doesn’t help either that like every weekend one if not both of my parents will say “You need to follow Tom’s lead, look how good he’s doing!” As to which I am perfectly aware of what Tom is doing as I used to do the same thing and I am the one who taught him the diet before I became pregnant.

So starting today and am going back into weight loss mode. No more junk of any kind. I am going to start writing down everything I eat and make myself keep count of what I am putting in my mouth. Hopefully this will help my self esteem that has dwindled down into nothing.

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. roamingcatholic
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 10:27:42

    http://www.sparkpeople.com, got rid of my fat butt for good! (I’m no advertiser, it’s just really awesome)

  2. Anla
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 11:51:17

    I have a husband who next to me makes me look like an escaped whale. I would like to remind you that recently you had a beautiful BABY! You didn’t gain all the pregnancy weight over night, thus it will not go away over night. Cut yourself some slack. I know what it is like to gain weight and feel that your body has reached a new plateau of fatness. The most important thing is your baby and your husband and your weight is secondary. You are beautiful!

  3. girlymama
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 14:04:07

    bear in mind you JUST HAD A BABY. Nine months up, nine months down. Don’t go too crazy – you need to keep feeding your beautiful baby girl!

    hint hint. WHERE are new pictures of the baby!??!?!

  4. flyblu04
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 20:46:50

    girl trust me i know how it is to be frustrated and fat…hell that was the theme of my blog for the first few months of its existence.

    sometimes though you have to hit rock bottom before you decide to go up. i don’t know why it has to be like that but that’s just how it is. my rock bottom was when my mom lost 100 pounds as well. the thought of my mom being skinnier than me killed me and i lost 40 pounds overnight (well not really but that is how it feels) you just have to do things that you are comfortable with…
    again keep your head up. if you want it you will get it

    p.s. if you ever want any tips on weight loss i can definitely share

  5. worldofwinks
    Jun 19, 2008 @ 21:18:19

    Keep your chin up, and don’t be too hard on yourself. We’re all here to support you if you decide to shed a few.

  6. ornosnatch
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 06:51:34

    Do not fret too much, you just had a baby. My wife is pregnant now and she worries about the same thing a lot. But you know that’s part of it. I’m sure you’ll be able to reach whatever goal you’ve set for yourself when you feel it is the right time to start. Good luck!

  7. diaryofarecoveredbulimic
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 09:34:03

    You just had a baby! Be gentle with yourself! Besides eating right, don’t forget that you’ll probably lose weight with the lack of sleep and additional energy it takes to care for a baby. Enjoy your baby and love yourself as you are. You will lose weight the best just through normal living. And, yeah, cutting out junk is definitely a good idea. I’m not overweight, but have a history of bulimia, and it took me a long time to be able to eat normally and reasonably and let my body find it’s “set point” as Suzie Orbach calls it. Try not to make yourself crazy. Whether you are fat, skinny or average, you are still the wonderful person you are. Don’t forget that! :)

  8. antioxexpress
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 10:24:57

    What’s incredibly more important is protecting your cells INSIDE from oxidative damage from the kinds of foods and drinks we eat, pollution in the air, etc. Make sure you take your antioxidants so your cells don’t, figuratively, “rust” on the inside. Deeply colored fruits and vegetables are really high in natural antioxidants so are some of your absolutely best choices to protect your body. And good training for your baby’s eating habits. My favorites are blueberries, raspberries, blackberries and strawberries, and broccoli and carrots. The other thing I found to help me lose weight was to be conscious about reducing the size of the portions I ate. My stomach shrunk, I felt fuller faster, and slowly with little effort I lost weight. Good luck! You’ll be successful! (Smile, smile.)

    “Mac”
    http://antioxexpress.wordpress.com/
    http://www.greensfirst.com/5039

  9. Alias
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 12:33:57

    You need to give yourself a break. You just had a baby. We are not celebrities. We can’t become skinny overnight after giving birth. It’s normal. Good luck with your diet. Don’t get too caught up with losing weight. You need to stay healthy for your baby. :)

  10. totaltransformation
    Jul 05, 2008 @ 07:43:28

    If you need any help or advice should you choose to start your own fitness journey, I would be glad to help. ;-)

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